Misadventures of the Bat Family
by Varmint
Summary: Sequel to 'Different Ways to say Dad'. What do you get when you have the whole Young Justice Team living under Batman's roof because they're one, huge, happy family? Chaos and humorous situations! From interfering in their father's and uncles' love lives to being kidnapped by inmates from Arkham Asylum because you're their 'kid'. But, remember, this is normal for this family.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, third times the charm, or something like that. I want to give this story just one more try before I give up on it. And I'm going to take the advice of an extremely smart reviewer and try to start off once more. This time with no huge time skip. This time... Just a bit smarter on my part. **

"Poppa! Poppa, get up!" A small, black haired and blue eyed girl squealed as she jumped up and down on her father's bed, eyes bright with shock and amazement.

The man underneath her groaned as the blinds to his room were suddenly opened, turning around as Zatanna got up from jumping on him and started pushing and pulling at him.

"What do you want, Zatanna?" Bruce Wayne mumbled, throwing his arm over his eyes to shield them from the sunlight, not yet ready for the day.

The night before had been long and grueling, his children weren't any nicer when he arrived, and Clark's smugness over his injury didn't help... Damn that damn impenetrable skin... Only reason why _he _was the one with a broken rib and not Clark.

"Get up, Poppa! Uncle Ollie's in the house and he doesn't like quite right!"

"Please Father, Uncle Oliver does not seem well."

Bruce's eyes opened in an instant at Kaldur's words, alert because they came from his mouth.

You see, every morning there was a wake up call from one of his children. If it wasn't Zatanna jumping on his bed, it was _Richard_ jumping on the bed. If it wasn't either of them, it was Jason and Roy blasting rock music to wake him up. And if it wasn't any of those four, it was Wally with the help of Raquel, running and flying around the room until he woke up.

Sure, it took some of the weight off Alfred's shoulders when it came to the issues of the house, but Bruce sometimes wondered if the children were _good_ substitutes.

"What do you mean something's wrong with Ollie?" Bruce muttered as he sat up in the bed, looking down at both his children.

Kaldur was staring at him with urgent eyes while Zatanna pouted with tear filled eyes, making Bruce's worry rise.

"Where is he?"

After the question, both Zatanna and Kaldur dragged Bruce out of his bed in only his pajamas; which only consisted of cotton pants and no shirt; making him run all the way to the family room in the first floor of the house, where all of the children were surrounding the biggest couch, all of them looking down with different expressions on their faces.

"Kids?" Bruce asked as Zatanna and Kaldur finally let him go, running towards their siblings to join in the silent vigil.

"Master Bruce! Am I glad to see you! The children will not let me help in any way!" Alfred gasped from the other side of the room, looking at his charge with pleading blue eyes.

"Go away!... Dirty mongrels!..."

Bruce quirked an eyebrow as he saw a sluggish arm rise from the sofa and try to bat the children away, only to fail and fall back to its owner.

"Brucey-Boy!" Roy gasped when he saw his father, the teen's eyes emanating distress. "Something's seriously wrong with Ollie! His speech is slurred, his movements are slow, and his eyes are bloodshot!"

At this Jason bonked him on the head, glaring at his slightly younger brother. "We all know what this is, you dolt! This is a text book case of the Hangover!"

Roy growled at his brother, getting ready to fight back, but innocent; oh so innocent; Richard stopped them. "What's a hangover?"

Now his other brother, Wally, smiled and placed an arm around his shoulder, smiling smugly at the young boy. "Oh, Dickie Bird." He shook his head, clicking his tongue.

"You tell him what a hangover is and you _will_ regret it." Bruce threatened before Wally could dig his own grave, making the boy chuckle nervously and loosen his grip on the younger boy.

Bruce shook his head at his children and walked towards them, pushing them to the side to look down at the sofa. And lo and behold, a very hungover Oliver Queen was snoring on his couch, face flushed and hair and clothing disheveled.

"No..." Ollie mumbled in his sleep, making Bruce sigh. "Don't leave..."

Bruce almost face-palmed at the archer's words, then looked up to find Leonidas yawning loudly as he walked into the living room. The man out of time stopped in surprise as he saw the whole family gathered around the sofa, cocking his head to the sofa.

"Is someone dying?"

All of the Bats glared at the bearded man with their bat glares, making him roll his eyes and walk towards them. One look over the shoulder of Conner and he rolled his eyes, then addressed the kids.

"Come with me. This is an adult matter."

All of the kids groaned and started to whine about leaving, but one glare from Bruce and a countdown from Leonidas made them all scatter, leaving Bruce alone in the living room with Leonidas and a knocked out Ollie.

"Thanks, Leo." Bruce scratched the back of his neck, frowning as he looked down at his friend.

Even though he was reluctant to admit it, Bruce Wayne actually found Oliver Queen as his friend... It's true what Flash joked about... He _was _getting soft because of the kids!

Leonidas only walked away with a smirk clear on his features, making Bruce sigh and roll his eyes. The older man didn't need to rub it in his face...

"Bruce? 'S that you...?" Ollie slurred as he opened his eyes, squinting up as the light overhead bothered him greatly. "Lights 'r' evil..."

Bruce sighed once more and nodded at the blonde. "Yeah, it's me. And lights _can _be your worst enemy when your best friend is a hangover."

Ollie tried to roll over to hide his face from the lights, but the couch was pretty small for his frame and he only succeeded in ending with his face squashed between his arm and the couch cushions. Bruce couldn't help but smile at the blonde's actions, finding them incredibly amusing, but still sat on the sofa beside Ollie's legs.

"Any reason as to why you're hungover in my couch? With my kids surrounding you?" Bruce asked conversationally, which got a groan from Ollie.

"Th'y weren't s'pposed to be here..." Ollie mumbled into the couch cushions, but Bruce still understood him after years of having to translate this odd language into normal language. He _did_ have kids. And some were already teenagers. This was a skill every parent needed. "G't h're w'thout Alfie's contest..."

Bruce frowned at the last word, "Consent, Ollie?"

The man only waved his left arm as if to shut Bruce up, which made the slightly younger man frown and cross his arms. "... Dinah left me..."

The words were so quiet and unexpected that Bruce was actually caught off guard by them, but before he could try to pry some more or even comfort his friend, Conner had burst into the room.

"Dinah broke up with you!? Guys, we have new target on the board! Forget Hawkgirl, we can leave her for later! Black Canary's number one on our 'Must Kill List'!"

Bruce's eyes widened in shock at his usually mild-mannered son's words, but after him came Jason and Roy. With spears in hands. "Kidnap the Canary Mutt! Lock her up real tight! Shove the keys in her face and make her really mad!" They both sang to their favorite song from the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Ollie smirked at the boys' words, but somehow managed to shake his head. "Don't do it, kids."

Jason and Roy looked down at him, surprised to find him sobering up, but Bruce wasn't so surprised. Having kids plotting against your work colleagues and lovers could cure any hangover. It could drive you insane, maybe give you a worse headache, but your hangover was completely gone. It had happened to him many times before.

"But Ollie! She hurt you!" Roy exclaimed, blue eyes wide and tearful. He had almost lost his mentor and favorite uncle all because Black Canary was being a bitch again? Oh, Hades no! He was going to do something about this!

"I don't care if she slapped me around and hogtied me to a post, Roy!" Ollie suddenly boomed, sitting up to glare down at the teenager.

All three boys shrunk away in fear at the blonde's tone, but Ollie continued. "She is your elder and so you must respect her. And, you do not have to interfere in my love life! I'm a grown man! If I wanted someone to do it, I'd have Stargirl over at my house every weekend!"

Bruce stared at the blonde in surprise and shock, not used to seeing him so agitated and angered, but Ollie just sighed and leaned into the back of the couch. "I'm... Bruce, can I have some breakfast and Aspirin? After that I can just go back to Star and see if Dinah and I cat patch this up."

Bruce's shocked face turned into a frown at his request, unsure if he wanted Ollie to go back to the semi-abusive Dinah, but sighed and nodded when Ollie glared at him. "Sure thing, Ollie. What was Alfred making, Roy?"

The red head humphed and refused to answer his father, but Jason cleared his throat and answered shakily, "Pancakes, eggs, bacon and sausage. We can put whatever we want in the pancakes."

The Patriarch of the Bat family nodded and got up from his seat, offering his hand to Ollie while Jason pushed Conner out of the room, Roy leaving with his arms crossed and frown in place. Once the boys were gone, Bruce turned to Ollie, only to find him with even redder eyes.

"I was so mean, Bruce..." He gasped, looking at the door through which the boys had left. "They want to make me happy, and I shot them down like every other single Leaguer has done... How can I call myself their uncle if I do this to them?"

Bruce sighed softly as his friend battled his emotions, then shocked Ollie as he pulled the blonde into a hug. "They know you love them, Ollie. They're just worried about you. They want you to be happy, and they don't see you happy with Dinah. They're just using their teachings."

Ollie clung onto Bruce's back as tears streamed down his cheeks, feeling so broken. So extremely broken.

"... I don't know what to do, Bruce... I want to make this work, but-"

"Shh, Ollie. Don't think about her now." Bruce spoke softly into the blonde's ear, stroking his back softly.

Sure, this would be odd for any other friends, but Bruce was already used to this. With all of his children and with his own odd friends, he had learned that times of emotional pain weren't times for physical aloofness. Besides, he knew Ollie reacted more to physical reassurance than just spoken. The blonde literally wore his heart on his sleeve.

"Now, how about we got you some of Alfred's food?" Bruce asked after Ollie's tears had reduced and held him at arms length.

Ollie chuckled at his weakness as he wiped at his tears, but still nodded. "You think he has chocolate chips?"

Bruce smiled at his friend, nodding, "Of course he does, Ollie. He's Alfred."

And with that Bruce led his old friend into the dining room, where Ollie was met by a hug from each and every kid, along with a wise word or promise to play more with him. Even Roy apologized for his words and asked if they were still up for fishing in the weekend.

Ollie couldn't help but smile and ruffle his hair, only to nod and answer, "Of course we're up for fishing! I hope you don't mind me bringing my friend, Greg, along. He really wants to meet my 'sidekick'- his words."

Roy only smiled brightly at this, pumping a fist in the air. "Hecks yeah I'm okay with it! Awesome Cowboy Singer teaching me how to fish with beer bottles? I wouldn't miss that for the world!"

Bruce looked down at his son with slightly shocked eyes, but Ollie just chuckled and patted him on the back. "He won't be drinking, Bruce. It's just Greg's trying to teach Roy how to pinch his pennies."

The dark haired man nodded at the blonde, but his worry was still on high alert. Greg Saunders was a good man, but too high-strung in his cowboy ways at times. It caused some discord whenever he was paired up with the Batman.

As he mused about this, he didn't feel Megan and Zatanna pulling him to his chair until he was sat at the head of the table, Ollie seated to his right with Leo on his left. He found this arrangement quite odd, seeing how his children always fought for the chairs beside him, but once he noticed his children's sympathetic smiles, he understood.

They just wanted Ollie to be happy. And if hurting Dinah wasn't helping, maybe just being there for him would.

**So this will be centered around the kids driving their father and uncles insane with their 'adventures'. I'm hoping you'll like it. It will be funnier, but it will also center around some darker themes. Like Black Canary abusing of Green Arrow.**

**Why? Because I like the idea of the kids nursing Ollie. And eventually getting revenge on her when they're given permission by the Bat! But I've said too much already!**

**Please review and I'll update tomorrow!**


	2. Chapter 2

Speedy, Red Bat, and Diana glared at the blonde flirting with the cashier in the coffee shop, whom they could see through the binoculars they were using. It was lunch time in Gotham, but that didn't mean they couldn't do some 'recon'.

They were Bat Kids after all. They knew how to sneak out of school during lunch to spy on a corrupt little bird and get back before anyone else noticed.

"This is making me sick." Diana muttered as she put the binoculars down, glare so passionate that Red Bat thought she could have lasers come out at any second.

Speedy nodded in agreement, pushing his hood up slightly to be able to spy better on Dinah Lance; also known as Black Canary. He didn't like her. He hadn't liked her when he first met her as a kid and he certainly didn't like her now that she was causing so much pain to his favorite uncle.

Sure, Bruce Wayne was his father and Leonidas was his live-at-home uncle, but Ollie held a very special place in his heart. And not only his. He had somehow managed to become a very important person to both Artemis and Jason, two kids that didn't necessarily believe in loving more than a few people.

As he mused about this, Dinah was served and sat down in one of the shop's chairs. She started eating her lunch, smiling when any man passed by her.

"Seriously!" Diana frowned, crossing her arms as she sat back on the roof.

Her hood was pulled down so her long blonde hair could flow freely, but apart from that, she was completely dressed in her suit, along with her brothers.

"It's like she _wants_ to be labeled as a slut!" She finished, getting a small smile from Red Bat.

"You know she needs the attention, Dee." Red Bat muttered as he packed up his binoculars. "We should get going. Lunch's going to end in a few minutes."

Speedy frowned at this but started to pack up as well, knowing full well that he couldn't miss any of his classes. Even though he was in the tenth grade, it wasn't easy. Nor did the teachers like him. And with Jason always dragging him into trouble, he always found himself walking on eggshells whenever it came to the school.

"Well, we couldn't find any _real_ evidence of Dinah being a louse," Speedy groaned as he straightened up, stretching while Diana got up herself. "But, we at least know she doesn't have any problems with wandering eyes."

"Let's go back to school, guys. Then, when we get home, we can plot some more with our siblings." Red Bat told them, hoisting his backpack over his shoulder.

There were no complaints from his two other siblings.

* * *

"Uncle Leo, look! I can fly!" Dick announced as he held onto Kaldur's water disc, flying by the Spartan with a wide smile on his face.

"Richard Grayson! Get down from there right now! Your father and I have told you many times that you are not allowed to blackmail Kaldur so you can use his powers for such things!" Leonidas scolded from his spot reading The Illiad, enjoying the story he had heard dozens of times.

"But, Uncle Leonidas, he did not send me any black mail!" The thirteen year old muttered from his spot in front of the stairs, arms doing their best to hold Dick's weight on the water discs.

The nine year old wasn't all that heavy, but Kaldur was still training to control his water bearers. Actually, the reason he was doing this was because Dick had said this was a pretty good exercise for control. And Kaldur guessed he was right, Dick still had not fallen.

"Uncle Leo! Arty and I need to go to the store!" Raquel growled as she stomped down the stairs, Artemis following behind her with a dark glare.

Leonidas looked up from the book and sighed softly, wondering what she could need. "Can you not wait for your father or for Alfred? I have to look after your five other brothers apart from you two."

Artemis' glare darkened at his words, and Leo found his shirt collar being grasped tightly by the angered blonde. "Either you drive us to the store now, or you will be in a world of pain."

Leonidas gulped audibly at the threat and nodded rapidly. "Kaldur, Richard, go get Wally, Jason, and Roy! Tell them to be in the car in less than a minute or they will be stuck with bathroom duty for the rest of the month!" He pleaded.

Both boys took off running to fetch their brothers, both worried and afraid of what had made their uncle so afraid, but not wanting to face the girls' wrath themselves. While they went to get them, Artemis and Raquel glared down at Leo.

"Get the keys." Raquel growled darkly and Leonidas took off running before the girls could do anything to him.

* * *

"I don't know what brand to buy..." Artemis groaned softly as she looked at the dozens of products in front of her.

Raquel looked on at each brand with her hope and enthusiasm vanishing, also confused with this specific product. Which one were they supposed to buy? Thin? With wings? Green? Why were they in so many different colors, though?

"Hey, guys, watcha doing here?"

Both girls jumped when they heard Dick's voice and turned to find him walking towards them with a wide smile, candy bars in hand.

"I thought we were coming here to buy candy and toys!"

The girls shared looks of slight annoyance at Dick's words, finding his innocence both endearing and annoying, and shook their heads.

"We just need to buy this really quickly, Dickey. We'll go get our candy later." Raquel negotiated, which got a small frown from Dick.

He then turned and looked at the products they were looking at and cocked his head to the side. "What's a 'tam-pon'?"

"Aah! Go away, Dick! What in the world's wrong with you?!" Both girls screamed as Dick gasped and ran away, completely caught off guard by their reaction.

Dick ran all the way to where the rest of his family was, looking at candy bars with Roy and Jason arguing about which one was which. Leonidas looked up from his book when he heard Dick's frantic pants and looked at him with a quirked eyebrow.

"Where are your sisters, Richard?"

Dick paled at the question and started shaking his head. "They're trying to buy something called 'tam-pons' but don't know what to buy and they screamed at me when I asked what those things were and I ran away because they were so scary!"

All of the males looked down at Dick; who now had tears forming in his eyes; when Roy and Jason suddenly burst into laughter. Kaldur glared at them and comforted his little brother, all the while Leonidas smacked both teens on their heads.

"Get your candy. Let's go help your sisters buy their things."

This got groans and whines from Roy and Jason, but both Kaldur and Dick were oblivious as to why they were like this. Why don't they want to help their sisters?

Eventually Leonidas got tired of their whines and threw both teens over his shoulders and allowed Dick to lead him to where the girls were. When they got there, both girls had one product in each hand, looking at them as if they were aliens.

"Do you need any assistance?" Leonidas asked softly, but the girls jumped and squealed.

"Go away! Go away!"

Roy chuckled as Leonidas was hit with a package of pads that Artemis had thrown in the forehead, but quieted down when Kaldur glared at him.

"Let me help you choose something, Artemis. We _must_ get going back to the house and I don't think you would like to stay standing here for too long."

Both girls looked at each other and had a silent conversation but eventually nodded. "Fine..."

With that Leo turned to look at the various products, but one caught his eyes. It was a package in the color green, said it had wings, and was absorbent. He honestly had no idea why the girls needed this, but he was a firm believer in better safe than sorry. This sounded like the safest.

"Here." He put the boys down and grabbed two packages, tossing one to Raquel and the other to Artemis. "Now let's get going. I am sure Alfred does not want you late for dinner."

He completely missed the blushes on the girls faces as they walked away.

* * *

"May I please be excused!?" Dick asked as he jumped from side to side on his chair, all the while Alfred and M'gann served the food.

Bruce looked down at the child on his left, wondering just why he was dancing so uncontrollably. "And why would you leave dinner so early, Dickey? I thought you were hungry." He asked, quirking an eyebrow at his youngest child.

"Well, yeah," Dick said, then his hands fell on his nether regions. "But I really have to go pee!"

Bruce's eyes widened at his words, all the while Leonidas boomed in laughter and Alfred rolled his eyes. "You are excused, Master Richard, but please refrain from saying such vulgar words while I am around."

Dick nodded his head rapidly and took off running to the nearest bathroom, which just happened to be the girls bathroom on the second floor. The family all chuckled at his antics and Bruce turned to his other children to speak when a bloodcurdling scream interrupted him.

The whole family tensed at the scream and Dick was suddenly back in the dining room, bloodied toilet paper in hand.

"Tati! Are my sisters dying!?"

* * *

**Okay, so so here are the ages for the children:**

**Jason and Roy- 15**

**Raquel and Kaldur- 13**

**Wally, M'gann, Artemis, and Conner- 12**

**Dick and Zatanna- 9**

**Please review and I'll update tomorrow.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Guys, I know there are people reading this. And if it were few people, I'd be okay, but there are already many people that have read this story. I know I may sound whiny, but I need reviews. I need you to tell me what you like and what you don't like and what you'd like to see in the story. If not, I won't know what to write about. I can't read minds. I can't guess what you'd like to read. **

**So, please, if you like the story, please review.**

**But, on to the story!**

Batman had a headache. Superman had a super headache. And Alfred Pennyworth was extremely annoyed at his ward's incompetence. Could not one day pass without one of Batman's children getting kidnapped, hurt, or mind controlled? Really, it shouldn't be so hard. Gotham's villains are mostly stupid and hold only a one-track mind. It shouldn't be hard to protect his children from them.

But, him being the Batman, of course he couldn't keep them all safe. No, if Poison Ivy broke out, Tempest was the first to get taken, followed by Speedy. If Harley got out, Falcon was the first to be missing. And if Mister Freeze escape, Rocket was nowhere to be seen for the next few hours.

And what bothered Alfred wasn't the fact that his children were always in the line of fire because he knew that this was just an occupational hazard. Besides, most of the inmates in Arkham wouldn't hurt any of the Bat Kids.

But, in retrospect, that might be the problem.

All of the inmates felt that at least one of the Bat Kids was their own, so whenever they broke out, they would always kidnap their designated son or daughter and try to adopt them.

At first it was cute. What with Poison Ivy taking both Tempest and Speedy to China so they could create a new life as a plant researcher with her two adopted sons, it was kind of adorable. But a Bat Child kidnapping happened _every single time_ someone broke out of Arkham.

The real problem wasn't the kids being kidnapped. No, the real problem was that Batman would always go crazy and do everything in his power to 'save' his children, which usually ended with the kids having to save a hasty Batman.

And today was no different.

Alfred couldn't help but sigh as the evening news reported of the most recent Arkham breakout, which had consisted of some idiot guard getting too close to Ivy and getting knocked out and all hell breaking loose after that with Ivy, Harley, Bane, Freeze, and Joker all escaping.

But Alfred wasn't as worried about the break out as he was worried about the repercussions. Because none of his 'grand-children' were in the house at the moment. But both Bruce and Clark were. And Bruce was already freaking out about what he should do to keep his children safe.

"We could always call the League..." Clark suggested softly, almost as if not to be heard.

But he was.

Bruce turned to Clark with a deathly glare, anger seeping from every pore on his body. "Just _why_ would you even _think_ of suggesting that?"

Clark jumped away from the angered older man, completely shocked with all the hate pouring from his body, shocked to see the usually so calm Bat losing his composure.

"I... Uh- I didn't mean any disrespect, Bruce..." Clark stuttered out, which made Bruce shake his head with a sigh.

"No, of course you didn't, Boy Scout. Now put your costume on and meet me in the Cave. We have children to find."

* * *

"This is so cool!" Speedy laughed heartily as he slid down the thick vine, Tempest doing the same behind him.

"So worth getting in trouble with Batman!" Rocket wildly in glee, throwing a snow ball at Robin, who was doing his best to hide from Harley.

The woman was stalking through the frozen play land, which had snow angels, snowmen, and snow-heroes all around, a dress in her hand so she could put it on Robin.

"Come here, Baby Bird! I just want to see you wearing the pretty dress I made for you!" Robin gasped at the sight of it, which was the same as Harley's black and red suit, but in a dress form. Along with a black mask. And gloves and boots.

"How did you even get his dress size, Harls?" Red Bat asked from his spot playing poker with the Joker, all the while Black Bat, Bat Girl, and Oracle played tea party with Bane and Freeze.

"I got my magical ways, kid!" Harley cackled wildly as she did her best to trap the bird, only to have him jump out of her hands when she was close to trapping him. "Stay still, Bird Brain!"

Red Bat laughed as the clown face planted onto the snow, all the while Rocket chuckled and threw more snowballs at her fallen body.

Joker rolled his eyes from the poker table, then laid down his hand with a smirk. Red Bat's cackling stopped as he saw the winning hand, then shook his head and threw his own hand onto the table. "You're a cheat, Joker! I know you use slight of hand to cheat me, you big bully!"

Bat Girl and Black Bat rolled their eyes at their brothers angry words, but continued to play with Freeze and Bane. "Hey, has anyone seen Falcon? It's kind of weird we haven't heard his big mouth yet." Oracle asked shyly while serving imaginary tea into Bane's tea cup.

The strong man looked up from the young girl to look around the room, and found it as it was. The right side of the warehouse was covered in Ivy's plants along with the woman, Speedy, and Tempest, the middle was a frozen play world where Harley, Rocket, and Robin were having fun, and the left of it was taken by their circular tea time table and Joker's and Red Bat's poker table.

Nothing seemed off with this.

"You're kind of right..." Red Bat muttered softly as Joker took all his winnings, which were Red Bat's wrestling figurines and his own money. The teen was angry at the fact that he lost to the clown, but didn't jump him for the winnings.

He could always take his revenge later on.

"Where's the speedy brat?" Freeze asked as he took one of Bat Girl's chocolate chip cookies. They were pretty good, actually.

Harley's head popped up from underneath the snow, looking around the colorful warehouse. "Hey, apart from Mr. Mouth himself, where's Diana? I haven't seen those two crazy kids since you got here."

This got Ivy's attention, seeing how Diana was the kind of girl that liked to hide in her plants and 'hunt' her siblings down from there, and Speedy was the boy that loved to ruin Diana's best laid plans. Where were they?

Speedy stood up from the makeshift vine slide and looked around, then sighed and pointed up at the second story, where he saw Falcon and Diana sleeping with their backs to a column.

"There they are! Fell asleep after three days of no sleeping!" He chuckled, which made all of the villains frown.

"They went three days without sleeping?" Ivy asked, grabbing Tempest's wrist so he wouldn't run off before he had to answer.

The black skinned teen looked at his siblings with terrified eyes hidden behind his mask. He didn't know if he should answer. While Bruce, Ollie, and Leo were all extremely protective of all the children, all of Batman's rogues were insanely protective of them. The kind of protectiveness that only psychopaths could have for their objects of affection.

"Well, yeah! Isn't that cool! I'm going to break my record, five days!" Robin chirped happily from his spot perched on the top of a snow Batman.

And unbeknownst to the happy boy, all of the villains' moods darkened. They may be villains and they may seem heartless, but they all loved the Bat Kids. And if the Bat was neglecting them in this way...

Just when Joker squeezed all of the cards tightly and Bane's hand breaks his tea cup, the windows at the top of the warehouse break and in fall Batman, Superman, and King. Unfortunately for the heroes, all the villains were immediately on them, glaring and snarling.

"Stupid Bat!" Freeze yelled as he froze the three heroes on the spot, catching everybody off guard.

Not even the kids were expecting the villains to act this way.

"Do you have no sense of parental skills?! What is this I hear of you pushing your kids to not sleeping?! Speedy and Falcon are asleep right now because they have not slept in the past three days!" Ivy scolded, her vines wrapping around the three men to allow them no escape.

Superman's eyes were wide as the five villains positively seethed at the bound heroes, all the while King smirked, and Batman growled back.

"What do you mean?" He demanded. "My kids are fine!"

And this sent all the villains on angry rants, all of them so angry that the rants go for hours and hours. So long, actually, that the kids all cuddle up together on second floor with Falcon and Diana and fall asleep together.

The last thought on Red Bat's mind came to him with a smirk. "Bruce is really getting chewed out by these guys. I wonder if they'd be willing to adopt us?"

**So, remember to please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

Alfred was really starting to wonder if allowing Bruce to keep all his children had been the right thing to do. Especially now that Leonidas was dragging a bruised and battered Batman into the Bat Cave with Superman carrying all the sleeping children inside.

Leo gave the elderly butler a somewhat annoyed smile as he placed Batman down on the gurney, then stepped back so Alfred could start looking him over. The butler just rolled his eyes as Bruce started mumbling about stupid villains that thought they knew what was best for his kids, then looked back as Superman cleared his throat.

"Just put them all in Master Bruce's study. I shall deal with all of them once I am finished patching Master Bruce up." Alfred told the Man of Steel, who nodded as he sighed softly.

"Clark," Leo called, which made the Superman turn to him. "Give me Zatanna and Dick. You should not have to carry all of them."

Even though Superman could carry all of them together without breaking a sweat, he was still touched by Loenidas' words and gave the two youngest children to him. With no further words, both men left with their charges and allowed Alfred to work in silence.

He had no idea what had happened, but Bruce now had two fractured ribs, one broken arm, a twisted ankle, serious looking bruises all around his body, and a black eye. Along with those injuries, he had third degree burns caused by ice, plants stuck in places no plant should ever go, spray paint all around his costume, and his cape torn.

Had he really allowed those five villains to do this to him? Had the children really allowed them to do it?

As Alfred was busy dressing a rather nasty looking cut he knew was made from one of Poison Ivy's many plants, Bruce's eyes fluttered open.

"Alfred?" He called softly, which made the elderly gentleman nod softly.

"I am here Master Bruce. But, please, do not move. I must get this disinfected and dressed before you are able to walk around."

Bruce only nodded at the statement, his eyes unfocused, then asked, "The kids?"

Alfred sighed softly at how much love Bruce had for his children, "They are sleeping in your study right now, sir... Now, I hope you do not mind me asking, but... What happened?"

Bruce's head rolled to the side so he could look Alfred directly in his eyes, and with the most serious frown Alfred had ever seen, spoke. "Apparently the children have had this contest to see who can stand the most days without sleeping. The villains who escaped from Arkham thought I was encouraging this, and when they started scolding me about it..." Bruce breathed in deeply, then looked away in shame. "I lost my temper... I didn't listen to them and ended up getting attacked..."

Alfred frowned in understanding at this, then shook his head as Bruce squeezed his eyes shut. "You are a fine father, Master Bruce. Now you shall rest and I will deal with the children."

Bruce seemed to want to roll off the bed, but Alfred holding him there stopped him. "Sleep now, young Master. It is about time the children dealt with my kind of disciplining."

Bruce's pained face managed to smile up at him as he remembered just how threatening Alfred could seem when he wanted to, then nodded softly and lied back down on the gurney.

"Okay. Good night, Alfred."

With that, Alfred washed his hands off of blood and made to walk up the stairs to the main house, only to be stopped when Bruce called after him. "Yes, Master Bruce?"

"Alfred, don't scare them too much. I love them just the way they are."

Alfred couldn't help but smile at this, then he nodded and went into the house. When he got to Bruce's study, most of the children were up, with the exception of the still sleeping Zatanna, Dick, and Raquel. The rest of the teenagers were wide awake and looking around in confusion. As soon as the door behind him closed, he found all eyes on him.

"Grandpa?" Conner asked curiously, rubbing at his sleep-deprived eyes. "What's wrong?"

Alfred didn't answer him immediately and instead looked around the room, only to find that both Leonidas and Clark had left. Good.

After assessing the whole room, Alfred finally turned to Conner with a grim frown. "What is wrong, Master Conner, is your attitude. Along with the rest of the children."

"What do you mean, 'Pops?" Jason asked from his spot slouching on Bruce's rolling chair.

Alfred's face suddenly shifted into a glare, managing to shock the teen. "Get your feet off of the table, Master Todd!"

The teen was so surprised by Alfred raising his voice that he actually fell out of the chair, making Roy giggle at his fallen brother. "Dweeb." Roy whispered, only to have Alfred's glare turn on him.

"That was not polite, Master Harper! Apologize this instant!"

Roy's eyes widened at this, and he looked up to find Alfred incredibly angry. "Gramps?" Roy asked curiously. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? As I already explained, your manners are horrendous! Now apologize and help your brother up!"

While Roy helped Jason up, the rest of the kids in the room couldn't help but be worried. Alfred had never yelled at them. Not even when they swung from the chandelier or put gas bombs in his cakes had he yelled.

"What's going on?" Dick asked quietly, seeing how Alfred's words had awoken him.

Alfred looked down at the child with cold eyes and sneered softly. "Children! Line up! From tallest to shortest! Right this instant!"

It took the kids a few seconds to process his words, but the second he made to move to scare them, they all started running so fast that Wally had to admit they all looked like speedsters. Soon enough they were all arranged from tallest to shortest, starting with Jason and ending with Dick, and Alfred was marching up and down the line with his hands behind his back.

"It is about time you children learned manners" He said in a scolding tone, all the while none of the kids dared look away.

They all stood with their backs straight, arms behind their backs, and chins jutted out. Alfred allowed himself to think that if these kids were a bit more disciplined, they would be the perfect children for Master Bruce, but quickly wiped that thought out of his mind and turned cold once more.

"None of you know how to respect your elders..." Not even Jason dared to answer Alfred. "I shall teach you..."

* * *

The next day Oliver Queen arrived at the Wayne Mansion to pick Artemis, Roy, and Wally up for a day of fun, only to find all of the kids scrubbing the mansion floors. With toothbrushes. While Alfred wore a military Sergeant costume. And Bruce sat comfortably in all his bandages.

Then when he went up the stairs and Alfred called for all the children, they all came in running; wearing maid costumes, oddly enough; and greeted him with the nicest voices he had ever heard.

What had Alfred done to his children?

**Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't wait for Summer to come!" Jason grouched as he shouldered his backpack, all the while he walked at the front of the line of Wayne siblings.

To instill even more discipline in the children, Alfred had said they would be walking to and from school every day until Summer break. And it was still three weeks away.

"I can't believe Grandpapa did this to us!" Dick gasped from his spot walking beside Jason, grasping the older's hand tightly.

"Well, it's all Wally's and Artemis' fault." Roy growled from the back of the line, glaring at said children, who were right in front of him. "If they hadn't fallen asleep, the crazies wouldn't have attacked Bruce, Bruce wouldn't have told Alfred. And if he hadn't told Alfred, we wouldn't be taking discipline classes like dogs!"

Both Wally and Artemis looked down as all their siblings started to glare at them, not really wanting to face their wrath at the moment, then Kaldur sighed and shook his head.

"No, we should not blame Artemis nor Wally alone. We should blame all of us. We decided to have that no-sleeping contest. We all participated in it, so we are all to blame."

Everyone stayed quiet after he spoke, each one speaking on his words. It was kind of true. They had just wanted to prove who could be the next Batman but they had no idea this would've happened. They really just wanted to see who would be the first in line to take Batman's cowl.

"We really screwed up, huh?" Conner asked softly as they continued walking up the large hill to their home.

Megan patted him softly on the back, speaking softly in his mind. Conner smiled at what she said, which made Raquel smile at them. Ever since she had come out as a Martian, Conner had been so supportive that they had grown closer. And it was kind of weird seeing them so close, you know because they're technically brother and sister, but none of their siblings were too bothered. They appeared happy, so they didn't mind.

Jason sighed and patted Dick on the shoulder, "We're going to get through this, little brother. I promise."

Dick did his best to smile at his older brother, then looked behind him to find Zatanna struggling with her backpack. She was in his same year, but for some reason, her teacher gave her a lot more homework. So, deciding that it was about time he became a perfect gentleman, he grabbed her backpack and placed it on his front.

Zatanna looked up at him with wide eyes, shocked to find her brother doing this, but just received a smile from her fellow nine year old. "Hey, siblings have to stick together, right?"

Zatanna's shocked face turned into one of happiness as she nodded, then looked behind her to find Raquel smirking down at her sister. This was just too cute!

It took a good ten more minutes before the Wayne Clan finally arrived at their house's front gate, where they were met by a smiling Bruce and smirking Ollie. But even though both adults were feeling mirthful at the sight of their children, the kids couldn't help but frown at the black eye on Ollie's face.

Noticing the frowns on their faces, both Bruce's and Ollie's smiles dropped.

"Kids? Did something happen on your walk here?" Bruce asked, concerned as to what could have put his children down.

They were a merry gathering, always finding something to joke about with one another. Heck, he remembered when they went to see the Hobbit. They all started acting like the dwarves; each with one assigned dwarf, of course; and even started to break out into random singing numbers whenever they wanted. Leonidas thought it was amusing, Bruce found it beautiful. And Ollie just took part in it as their Gandalf.

"No, Bruce. Everything went fine." Jason told them in a slightly distracted tone, still looking at Ollie's face.

The bruise was extremely noticeable and extremely fresh, which meant it hadn't happened when he was Green Arrow. Usually, when he got hurt as Arrow, it was at night, but this one looked too fresh to be that old. Which meant...

"Did Dinah do this?"

Jason looked at Wally in shock when the twelve year old grasped Ollie's collar tightly and dragged him down so he could look the blonde in the eyes. Bruce's own eyes widened in shock as he saw the ginger do this, all the while Ollie kept his gaze cool.

"Of course she didn't, kid. I got this shiner by insulting a rather angry cowboy." Ollie replied, never missing a beat.

Wally observed his face for some kind of lie, then pushed the adult up, allowing Ollie to stand up. The blonde patted himself down, then smiled down at the children.

"Kids, Dinah isn't the only bad guy in my life! Don't immediately think she's hurt me if I show up with a bruise here or there!" He said in a joking tone, but the kids knew he was being serious.

This made Artemis sigh in annoyance. Ollie was a fool. A nice, caring, and awesome fool, but a fool nonetheless. He loved Dinah too much. He didn't see any of her faults, even when she pointed his out any chance she got.

Now, Artemis wasn't the kind to intervene in an adult's love life, but she was the kind to observe and gather information. And from what she had observed and analyzed of Ollie's and Dinah's relationship, it was a text book love-hate relationship that was poisonous for both participants. Ollie loved and gave too much, all the while Dinah loved and gave very little. And there was the small issue of Dinah's anger sometimes getting the better of her.

That's when she heard a growl behind her. It wasn't Conner's Black Bat growl, nor Bruce's extremely angered growl, so she was intrigued as to who it had come from. And when she turned around, she found Roy with his whole body tense and shaking and his fists clenched so tightly that it looked like he would start bleeding at any moment.

"I'm not some kid you can lie to, Ollie!" Roy yelled, shocking all of the children.

Roy never spoke to any adult in this manner. Not even his school teachers. He may be disrespectful and talk back at any given moment, but he never flat out yelled at any of his elders. Not even Guy Gardner or Hal. While Wally or Jason would dare to this, the older red head never did. Bruce thought it was because of his time with Brave Bow.

"That bitch has hurt you time and time again! And now you want me to think that Greg; you're best friend that lets _anyone walk over him_; did this to you!? Do I look like some idiot?!"

Now all of Roy's siblings looked at one another, feeling betrayed at Ollie's lie, while Ollie's face clearly darkened. Bruce stepped away from his friend and towards his children, surprised to find that Ollie could get so serious.

"Roy..." Ollie's voice was dark and tense. "Let it go. Stop thinking about it. Now let's go inside and help your siblings with their homework."

Wally gulped, eyes wide in fear as he clung to Artemis tightly, never having seen his Uncle Ollie so scary. Bruce? Dozens of times. Leonidas? Even more. But Ollie had never been the serious kind. He had always been happy and fun and caring. He had never shown such a... a... a... Batman like character!

Roy glared up at the blonde, blue eyes filled with anger and betrayal, "Fine. But when you're one inch from death because of that _bitch_, don't ask me for _any_ kind of help!" He spit out, then grabbed Zatanna, picked her up, and stormed into the house.

Taking that as their cue, the children ran into the mansion, one by one until only Jason was left. The oldest of the clan looked from Bruce to the clearly flustered and dejected Ollie, then sighed and shook his head.

"Ollie, you may be a big, strong man, but that doesn't mean you have to go through hell alone." Jason told him softly, his tone and eyes filling with as much sympathy as he could muster. "You may love her, but when will it stop? When you finally decide to leave her or when she finally beats you..." Now his eyes filled with tears, feeling saddened at just the thought. "To death?"

With no further words Jason trudged up the hill to his mansion, all the while Bruce looked after him. Once he was finally inside the house and the door had been closed, he turned to Ollie, who promptly fell on his knees and covered his crying face. Bruce ran to him immediately and wrapped an arm around the man's arms, unsure of what else he could do.

Ollie was his best friend. He was being hurt and he didn't want any help. If he was Batman and Ollie was yet another victim, what would he do?

Bruce frowned at the question, because he knew the clear answer to the question. But he just couldn't bring himself to do what he knew was right.

"She'll get better, Bruce! She's going to anger management classes now!"

Bruce only tightened the arm that was around the archer as his answer, rubbing at his arm softly.

Just how far would this go before _he_ finally broke? Bruce found that he couldn't help but find his children's tactics more and more enticing as the blonde sobbed into his arms.

**Please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

"Alfred! Please! I beg you! I cannot continue this!" Kaldur begged in a breathless whisper, falling onto his knees with an apron tied behind his back.

Wally and Jason were panting heavily, wearing the same aprons as Kaldur while covered in flour and sugar. They were kneading bread dough, all the while Kaldur had fallen from the strenuous work.

"Please! Grandfather Alfred!" Kaldur pleaded, body trembling so much that it seemed he was about to faint.

Alfred only looked down at the fallen Atlantean, eyebrow quirked with a frown on his lips. "This is the might Kaldur'ahm of Atlantis? Unable to even finish making bread?! Your sister helps me with this every Friday and Saturday so the household has fresh bread for the weekends' breakfast!"

Kaldur looked down with tears in his eyes, feeling extremely embarrassed for not being able to finish such a simple task, all the while Wally and Jason shared worried looks. They knew Alfred was supposed to be disciplining them, but must he be so harsh? He had even made Artemis cry... Artemis _never_ cried.

Just as Kaldur started to drag himself up the kitchen counter to try to start kneading the bread once more, Bruce entered the kitchen to the somewhat scary sight.

The man's eyes widened slightly as he saw his sons clearly struggling to continue working, but shook his head and turned to Alfred.

"Alfred, you wouldn't mind if I grabbed Jason for a small second, right?"

Jason looked up from his job with a grateful sigh, all the while Wally groaned loudly.

Alfred looked at all the children with a quirked eyebrow, as if silently daring them to say anything, but before he could scold any of them, Kaldur's body thudded to the floor and lay there. Alfred stared at him with disinterest, then turned to face a shocked Bruce.

"It was time for their five minute break, anyways."

Wally picked Kaldur up and ran away as fast as he possibly could, all the while Jason walked towards his father, suspicious and wary eyes on Alfred as the older man just stood with his head high. Bruce looked at his old friend with worry in his eyes, but still shook his head and looked down at Jason.

"I need you to help me with something, Jason."

With that Bruce started to lead the poor boy away from the kitchen, all the while Alfred looked on after them. Finally the kids were learning some discipline.

"Roy, Artemis, and Conner! I need you all to meet me in my study!"

The kids that were doing their homework in the family room looked up at their father's voice, along with a confused Ollie. What could be so important that those three had to leave their homework for it?

"Sure thing, Pa!" Conner smiled brightly as he jumped up, closing his math book with a bit more strength than necessary.

Artemis just smirked evilly and jumped over Ollie's head and ran behind her father, all the while Roy and Conner followed behind. Zatanna, Megan, Raquel, and Dick looked after their fleeing siblings, somewhat intrigued by what was happening, but quickly turned back to their work when Ollie scolded them softly.

When they were finally in the study, Bruce grasped the doors, looked outside to make sure no one was around, then closed and locked them. Jason was sitting comfortable in Bruce's chair, while Roy and Conner sat on the chairs in front of his desk and Artemis sat cross legged on his desk.

"What are we doing here, Brucey-Boy?" Roy asked the man, who only glared at Jason's feet on his desk.

"Off." Was all the man said, but it was enough to get Jason to drop them.

After this, Bruce inhaled deeply, closed his eyes, and opened them to look at all his children.

"We have a small problem."

Artemis and Conner shared a worried look at this, but the older teenagers kept quiet and steely. They were prepared for anything.

"Ollie is in denial of his abusive relationship. And even _I_ am getting sick and tired of his stupidity." Bruce spoke with a serious frown, wanting to let his children know he was not joking around.

But he didn't have to do this. All of his kids cared deeply for their Uncle Ollie and were also sick and tired of watching him hurt. If their father was finally calling on them to help, they would do anything in their power.

"But why only us, Pa? Wouldn't it be easier if you had all of us helping you?" Conner asked curiously, which got a small smile from his father.

"It _would_ be easier, Conner, but it would also hinder the investigation. You four are the best at lying and keeping your emotions in check. I know you have your moments, but you're the kids I can trust to do this job and not accidentally give it away." Bruce explained, which got a nod from the boy.

It actually _did_ make sense. Artemis and Jason had perfect poker faces and Conner almost never spoke. Roy was a bit more of a wild card, but when it came to people he cared about, he could be an outright robot.

"Anything it is, _Pater_, we will do it." Artemis spoke up, eyes narrowed in determination._  
_

Bruce smiled at his daughter and nodded. "I knew you would. But, it will be a multiphased plan. We will be doing planning and acting for a very long time."

Now Jason smirked, crossing his arms. "We're kids, Bruce. We have all the time in the world."

This made Bruce smile as well, then he nodded and leaned against the door to his study. "Okay, first of all, I need your wicked minds. What have you been doing with Dinah for the past few days?"

Jason, Artemis, and Roy all shared a look this, while Conner just scratched at his head in confusion. What did his father mean?

"Oh... Uh... You knew about that?" Artemis asked, at least having the decency to blush slightly.

Bruce shook his head with a small chuckle, nodding at her. "Of course I know about that, Artemis. I am not as ignorant as Clark, you know?"

This made Conner scoff lightly, "Nobody is."

Bruce smiled at him, but quickly went back to business. "What have you gathered on the target?"

And noticing that it was time to get serious, Jason scowled softly and began to speak. "The target enjoys eating lunch with a different man every day, or trying to pick a new man up."

Artemis straightened up and continued. "She usually goes to a small cafe in Upper Gotham's Business District where she's already known as a regular."

"Through our three days of recon, we have found her flirting with various different men, yet all blonde with either blue or green eyes, of differing builds and height. None of them have had anything in common aside from their looks." Roy finished.

Bruce frowned and nodded at him, then looked down at Conner, who was confused yet amazed by what his siblings had done. "Are you up for this Conner? I know you tell Megan everything, and-"

But Conner cut him off. "This is for Uncle Ollie, Bruce. Lying to Megs will be hard, but... The ends justifies the means this time around."

The man nodded at his son, then walked towards the back of his desk and pulled up schematics for Dinah's apartment in Gotham. "Okay, kids. I hope you're ready for some real spying."

And he began to explain his plan.

**Please review.**


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